Sinful Rhythms: The Black Lilith Series #4 Read online

  If only she had the courage to ask him to meet up. But that’s a line that she’s not sure she’s ready to cross. Because it’s one thing to tell a guy everything about her when she knows that she’ll never see him, but it’s another thing entirely to actually look him in the eye. Some nights, when she’s laying alone with her siblings surrounding her in their own rooms, she wonders what it would be like to be in his arms. It’s an exhilarating and exciting thought. She both hates and is grateful for the fact that D lives in Manhattan with his brother and friends. Manhattan is well out of reach for a broke college grad, who’s never even left her home town.

  Her phone buzzes again.

  D: check this out

  He sends her a link to a Vine video. Tessa opens the link and bursts out laughing in the middle of the carriage, making the woman in front of her tsk with annoyance. But Tessa can’t bring herself to care. That corgi’s butt is adorable. He always knows how to make her laugh.

  Tessa’s dad is her other best friend, and he has been since she was in high school, which sure as hell freaked her school friends out. Especially those who had viewed grown-ups with general suspicion and got annoyed whenever their parents wouldn’t let them buy booze. Tessa didn’t drink, she didn’t smoke, and when her dad asked her to do something she did it. She figured it was the least she could do for him since he worked so hard for his kids.

  Which is why she’s up every morning at 5:00 a.m., preparing Jackie for skating practice while Dad is getting some much-needed shut-eye.

  “Do you think I would look good in this?” Jackie asks, showing Tessa a picture on her phone of an anime character who looks like she’s covered in feathers.

  “Yeah,” Tessa replies. “Is she one of the characters in Yuri?”

  Jackie wrinkles her nose. “He is, yeah. His name is Yurio. He’s a cinnamon roll.”

  “Oh, I see.”

  She doesn’t see. Jackie’s always using weird Tumblr language that Tessa can’t keep up with, but she’s just so glad that the kid has that outlet now. It was a rough couple of years when she hit puberty, and her beard had started growing. It wasn’t until she was fourteen that she gathered the courage to tell Dad that she didn’t want to be a boy anymore. Apparently, she’d found a transgender blog on Tumblr and realized that she had been born into the wrong body.

  Their dad had supported her, which only made Tessa love him more.

  Tessa pulls Jackie’s long blonde hair back into a ponytail and braids the bottom, while her sister swipes through her picture gallery, showing Tessa the various outfits that Yurio wore in the show. By the time Tessa has Jackie ready, the sun has risen, and it’s time to get breakfast going for the others. It’s not exactly necessary because Kaden and Halley are college age—Scott’s a senior, and Mary and Stacey are juniors. They can all cook for themselves. But Tessa prefers to have something ready for them. She likes to make her siblings feel loved and looked after.

  Jackie needs to be awake early for skating practice, but she can’t cook. She scoffs down the oatmeal and toast that Tessa prepared for her while she scrolls through her Tumblr dashboard. Tessa bustles around the tiny, cluttered kitchen to make some more toast and coffee for Scott when he stumbles downstairs to take Jackie to practice.

  “Hey, Tess… check out this band. The lead guitarist is a total hot nerd.”

  Tessa looks over Jackie’s shoulder. On the phone screen is a picture of four good-looking men posing in front of a white screen. The guy in the middle is wearing a black wife-beater that shows off the music inspired tattoo along his arm. One of the men on the side has bulky muscles and messy short hair which look surprisingly good—his pockets are stuffed with drumsticks, and his feet are clad in heavy-looking boots. On the other side of the group is a cute guy with floppy brown hair and a blue plaid shirt. He’s looking at the camera like it’s telling him a joke and he’s excited to hear the punchline.

  But Tessa can tell immediately which one Jackie is excited about. He’s the one on the main guy’s left, with his elbow leaning on the other one’s shoulder. He’s buff, like the guy with the drumsticks, but in a subtle and less bear-like way, and he’s wearing an Iron Man T-shirt that shows off his forearms beautifully.

  “Iron Man isn’t exactly nerd chic anymore,” Tessa says, shrugging. “Maybe they’re getting sponsored by the company that makes the movies?”

  Jackie snorts. “If you read their interviews… he’s always dropping references. He’s a mad gamer too. They all are.”

  “And what’s this nerd’s name?”

  “Dash... Dash Todd.”

  Tessa nods and immediately forgets the name.

  “Is their music any good?”

  “It’s awesome!” Jackie says enthusiastically. “They’re rock royalty. Black Lilith, that’s their band name. You’ve heard them on the radio.”

  “Have I?”

  “Do you listen to the radio at work?”

  “Yeah.”

  “Then you’ve heard them.”

  Tessa decides to take her word for it. “So you like them, huh?” she asks, turning back to the kettle as she hears it starting to boil. She quickly pours some instant coffee into a to-go mug for Scott. No sugar, no milk. ‘Just fuck me up’ are usually his instructions when it comes to coffee brewing.

  Even though she hates her job as a barista, she still feels dirty every time she pours instant coffee into her brother’s cup. One day, she’s going to save up and buy them all a real coffee machine.

  “Yeah, they’re pretty rad,” Jackie says, flicking back through her dashboard and reading through an article. “Oh! Hey, they’re going to be in town. They’re coming to Chicago.”

  “Great!” Tessa says. “Maybe you can get tickets?”

  Jackie looks excited, but only for a moment, then she deflates like a balloon slowly leaking air. “Nah, we can’t afford tickets.”

  Tessa wants to say that they can make it work, that there’s a way around it, but she doesn’t want to get Jackie’s hopes up. Maybe she can take some extra hours? As soon as the thought crosses her mind, Tessa feels her heart clench. She can barely function as it is. More hours would probably kill her.

  When she’d finished college, she’d fantasized about getting a job writing. Working in a newsroom, or in communications, or even—when she was feeling particularly dreamy—as a freelance writer or novelist. But with the amount of hours she works in a day, she can’t bring herself to crawl to a laptop and start typing when she finally gets home. She’s always too exhausted to try and force her creative juices to start flowing once she’s had her shower and gotten the rest of the family through dinner and ready for bed. Often, she can barely muster the energy to read a chapter or two of whatever book she borrowed from the library before she’s knocked out in bed.

  If it weren’t for D, she doesn’t think that she’d have any social life at all. It’s a pretty sad state of affairs when the only communication she has with anyone outside of her family is with a man she’s never met. Who lives in another city.

  “Maybe next time,” Tessa says, and she hates the resigned look on Jackie’s face.

  “I probably couldn’t fit it around practice, anyway,” Jackie states. She’s clearly trying to cheer herself up.

  “Hey, don’t skaters have to do routines to music?” Tessa says. “Maybe when you’re a famous skater, you can do a routine to Black Lilith’s music, and then they’ll want to meet you.”

  Jackie gives Tessa a look like she’s worried about her sanity. “You’re a weirdo.”

  Tessa is spared from retaliating when Scott stumbles downstairs, scratching the tiny sheen of stubble on his neck and rubbing his eyes.

  “Coffee?” he asks. When he lifts his arms to yawn, he shows off his scrawny belly.

  “Here,” Tessa says, passing him the cup. “Eat your oatmeal.”

  “Hurry up,” says Jackie. Her leg is twitching as she pushes her own bowl away from her and stands up. “I’m gonna do some stretches.”

>   Scott watches her leave the room with a look of deep disgust on his face. “Fucking morning people.”

  Tessa smacks him over the back of the head. “Don’t talk about your sister that way.”

  Leaving him there, Tessa walks upstairs to her bedroom. The bedroom was once a walk-in closet, but when their family moved in, Tessa had just finished reading Harry Potter and was enchanted by the idea of living in a cupboard. Since there were more children than there were bedrooms, her dad had indulged her obsession and bought her a single bed that just managed to squeeze into the room.

  Now, Tessa hates her past self. But she reasons that the tiny room is all she needs.

  Pulling her phone out of her pocket, she types out a quick message.

  Tessa: Good Morning D.

  Then she follows it up with: My sister is obsessed with this band called Black Lilith. Ever heard of them?

  She steps onto her bed and reaches up to the shelves above, where she keeps her work uniform. It’s the closest thing she has to storage space in here—there’s hardly even enough room for books. She keeps them stacked precariously against the wall in long columns, and has to move them onto her bed whenever she wants one from the bottom of the pile.

  D goes to the gym every morning at 5:30 a.m., and it’s 6:30 now. He’s probably just finishing up. That gorgeous, muscular-yet-cuddly body of his takes work, and apparently, his trainer is a Slate’s girlfriend, Harper. D calls her a she-devil.

  Sure enough, she gets a reply just as she’s pulling on her skirt.

  D: yeah ive heard of them

  D: maybe jackie can skate to one of their songs someday

  Tessa: That’s what I said!

  It’s like they share a brain, sometimes. Tessa glances down and decides that her bra is cute enough to snap a quick selfie and send it to him. Just a bra and a skirt. One of his favorite combinations. She quickly slides her blouse on as her phone pings again, and his response lights up the screen.

  D: Ugh, the things I would do.

  She may not know his name, but he does wonders for her ego. Especially when he sends a string of incomprehensible but appreciative emojis.

  A knock on her door makes her quickly double-check that her blouse is on properly before she says, “Come in.”

  Her dad enters, bald head first and looking tired but happy with purple smears under both of his eyes and permanently upturned lips.

  “Morning… I think I heard Scott’s car leaving.”

  “I’m just getting ready for work,” replies Tessa, pulling her hair into a high ponytail at the back of her head. She may only work at Starbucks, but she likes to be as well-put-together as possible. Who knows, maybe someday a future employer will see her there and offer her a job? Or maybe she’ll have to go to an interview after a shift? It’s always best to look as professional as possible. Just in case. “Do you want me to pick up anything while I’m in the city?”

  “No, honey,” Dad replies. He comes into the room and sits on the bed. He doesn’t have to work until 8:00 a.m., but Tessa’s been getting the feeling that he’s been looking for extra work in the early hours of the mornings. Running around with his resume, just like she has been. No wonder he looks so tired. “What are you reading?” he asks, reaching for the book that she’s been keeping next to her pillow since there’s nowhere else in the room to put it.

  “Hokkaido Highway Blues?”

  “Set in Japan?” he asks, turning the book over so that he can read the blurb.

  “It’s about a guy going on a road trip,” she tells him. “Based on a true story.”

  He hums as he reads. Her dad is the reason Tessa loves reading. The reason that, even though he had told her he’d prefer her to get a real major, she’d gone with her gut and majored in English Lit. But what did he expect? He was a career librarian before Tessa’s mother left, and he’d had to find a more financially generous factory job.

  Thankfully, the twins both went into economics when they were choosing a major. They were reasonable. Not like Tessa, who went with her gut and hoped that professionalism would make up for it. So far, it hadn’t. But she wasn’t going to give up just yet.

  “Maybe when you go traveling, you can write a book about it,” Dad says, leaving the book on the bed to get up again and stretch. “I’m going to be late home today. Do you think you can make sure that Scott doesn’t burn the house down trying to make dinner?”

  “I thought we banned him from cooking?”

  “You know Jackie’s got that boy wrapped around her finger.”

  Tessa snorts. She grins and nods to hide the fact that she’s stinging from his comment. That she can write a book about traveling. She knows that he’s just trying to show her that he believes in her, but all she feels is an expectation. A way to disappoint him if she can’t manage to follow her dreams.

  Dad says his goodbyes. He’s still got forever before work, but if Tessa’s got the right idea, then he’s probably going to spend the time looking for a second job. Probably something like stacking shelves at the supermarket. Something he can do at night, while his kids are sleeping so that they won’t know.

  Maybe Tessa should consider getting one of those jobs herself.

  It isn’t that the rest of her siblings don’t pull their weight. Scott has a part-time job to pay for his car, and the youngest set of twins—Mary and Stacey—work a casual shift at Target after school. But they’re still just kids. It isn’t fair to put the weight of the family’s finances on them. Now that Tessa has graduated college, she can help out more. But it was easier to put one kid through college than it is to put two, and now even with their scholarships Kaden and Halley need cash and aren’t allowed to work for it.

  It was all starting to catch up to her dad, and Tessa, now that she stopped to think about it.

  Shaking her head at herself, she heads out of her room and into the tiny bathroom with its rattling copper pipes to put her makeup on. There’s scattered brushes and products everywhere, but she and her sisters have pretty much the same skin tone. She takes some concealer that she’s pretty sure belongs to Mary and starts applying it.

  Her phone pings. Without taking her eyes off of her reflection, she raises the phone and checks the screen.

  D: this is a bit sudden but do you want to meet?

  He actually used punctuation. Tessa has to read the sentence a few times before it sinks in, and then she slowly lowers the makeup brush. Leaning against the sink, she takes a long breath.

  Is she ready for that?

  Are they ready for that?

  What prompted this?

  Before she can answer, she receives a long string of texts. It’s as if D is rushing to type.

  D: the thing is im going 2b in Chicago in a few days

  D: me logan tommy & slate

  D: were in business together and we need some1who can write to print some interviews

  D: they dont trust people easy but i told them we could trust u

  D: u dont have 2 do it

  D: but if u want to meet 2 talk about it

  D: then we can meet maybe

  D: if u want

  It’s a while before Tessa can respond, but when she does, there’s a soft smile on her lips. D likes to go on a run of text messages when he gets flustered or embarrassed.

  Tessa: That sounds like an interesting offer. I would have to meet them first.

  Tessa: But I would like to meet you before I meet them.

  Tessa: Where? When?

  She leans against the sink, her face half made-up and the brush forgotten in her hand, while she waits with baited breath for D’s reply.

  D: do u think fish have feelings

  Tessa: I’m going to ignore that.

  Tessa grins to herself as she scrolls through her conversations with D, waiting outside of the bustling arena for Jackie to show up. The United Center is an imposing gray building, with very little personality beyond the massive long posters on its walls advertising the band that will be playing t
here tonight.

  She and D had been exchanging texts with their usual frequency, only lately there has been a lingering sense of… anticipation. D’s texts were as dorky and cheeky as always, although now he’s also asking questions about what they should do when they finally meet. Not sexual. Just…

  D: we should totally binge the lizzie bennet diaries together

  D: u no u luv a good pride and prejudice adaption dont deny it

  D: also i hear chicago has good pizza places ull hav 2 show me

  D: if u take the job then u can crash wit us in manhattan til u find somewere to stay

  Spelling errors aside, Tessa is touched by how he’s already planning what they’ll be doing together. Sweet little things like marathoning YouTube web series and eating pizza, making sure that she’s got somewhere to go if she ends up taking this job that he’s offering. Of course, a part of her mind has been almost constantly on the potential of everything else they could get up to. You don’t sext with someone for over five months without starting to wonder if the real thing will live up to the hype. But he hasn’t brought it up. They still share dirty pictures, but he never offers anything for when they finally see each other face-to-face.

  He’s been a bit tight-lipped about the job as well. He won’t really tell her what it’s about. Only that it’ll involve interviewing and writing. It makes her wonder what exactly he and his friends do that they don’t trust regular journalists.

  Is he in the mob? She throws away that thought as soon as it occurs to her. Of course, D wouldn’t be in the mob. His tattoos are all wrong.

  But what if the job he’s offering isn’t all that great, and she has to turn it down?

  Tessa glances around the entrance of the arena, as the crowd starts to thicken. Scalpers walk through, shoving their tickets into people’s faces. Excited men and women in band T-shirts screech with excitement, taking selfies in line as they wait for the security guards to take their tickets and give them their wristbands. When D told Tessa that he wanted to meet at the Black Lilith concert, she’d been surprised and confused. Who meets at a concert? It won’t exactly be easy to talk about job opportunities if they’re screaming over the music.